The Rabbit Hole
by beeftony
Summary: It's family movie night at the Connor household. The movie they watch fits a little too closely with their current circumstances, and forces them to think about things they'd rather not. Maybe they shouldn't have sent Cameron to get it.
1. Family Movie Night

**Chapter One**  
Family Movie Night

The room was divided by long rows of metal, each fitted with a number of shelves designed for holding merchandise. They were not the kind that held food products like she was usually sent out to retrieve. That was not her mission today.

The shelves held small boxes with pictures emblazoned on the front, while inside there was space for a small media-storage disc that seemed to be missing from every box. She began opening all of them, trying to find one that included a disc. John would be very disappointed in her if she brought back the box but not the disc. She would not make that mistake a second time.

She got through an entire shelf before concluding that none of the boxes contained a disc. Curious. She calculated a 62 percent chance of all the other shelves displaying the same phenomenon. That was too low to stop her from checking another.

"Can I help you?"

Her head turned with all the grace of an automated turret, and her threat assessment software went to work.

SEX: FEMALE

HEIGHT: 5'4"

WEIGHT: 115.23 lbs

RACE: HISPANIC-AMERICAN

THREAT LEVEL: MINIMAL

ACTION: ENGAGE IN CONVERSATION

A quick scan of the nametag just above the video store employee's left breast revealed that her name was "Angela." Three response options presented themselves.

1. No.

2. Get up out my grill, bitch.

3. I'm fine, thank you.

Her social protocols told her that 1 was too vague, 2 was considered rude and not to be used unless the subject was rude first, while 3 was the most polite. She chose 3.

"I'm fine, thank you."

Angela chuckled. "If you insist. Why you lookin' through all of 'em anyway?"

Now that the conversation was engaged, the list of possible responses disappeared from her HUD, allowing her to formulate responses on her own and simulate normal conversation. Choosing between responses tended to take more time and made people wary. That was not good for blending in.

"The discs are missing. I am trying to locate them."

Another laugh. "We keep 'em in a drawer behind the counter. Those are just displays. Keeps people from just walkin' in here and then running out without paying."

A security measure. That seemed logical.

"You like Sci-Fi, I take it?"

"Sci-Fi?"

"Yeah, you know. Robots, time-travel, all that good stuff. My brother's crazy into that shit."

Robots and time-travel. Two concepts with which she was intimately familiar. That must mean she liked Sci-Fi.

"Yes," she answered after a few moments, then decided to try out the new phrase she had just learned. "I am crazy into that shit."

Angela laughed again. "Awesome. See anything you like?"

She scanned the shelf, her hunt for the discs having been cancelled now that they had been located. The faces on the covers matched several in her database, most of them famous celebrities. One of them was a curiosity, however. She picked it up and examined the face on the cover more closely.

"Hey, she looks just like you," Angela remarked. "Weird, huh? I swear, there's so many celebrity look-alikes here in LA you never know who's the real deal until you're checking their ID."

She ignored her, trying to match the face to her database. No returns. Perhaps she could ask John to look it up on the internet when she got home. Her focus shifted to the word printed below in large letters that formed the title.

_SERENITY_

She checked her database again, and found no matches. Time to acquire information by other means.

"What's it about?" she asked.

"Oh, you do _not _wanna get me started on that. My brother watched the show when it was on back in '02, then when that movie came out three years later he was first in line to see it. _Serious_ time investment, girlfriend. You'd have to watch the show first to really get a feel for the characters."

She went over her mission objectives again. Sarah had sent her out to get one movie for movie night. John was doing his homework, while Derek Reese was helping Sarah paint the house. That left her.

"Time is something I don't have a lot of," she replied, putting the movie back.

"I understand. What's the occasion?"

"Family movie night," she answered, repeating the phrase Sarah had used.

"Ah. Does your family like Sci-Fi?"

She considered that. She knew very little about John's interests aside from taking apart computers and sitting in his room for long periods of time staring at the ceiling with a frown on his face. Derek she knew next to nothing about, and he had made it very clear that he wanted it to stay that way. Sarah was another mystery, mostly because she rarely settled down enough to do normal human things. In that way they had something in common.

However, all of them were just as familiar with robots and time-travel as she was, so they must like Sci-Fi too.

"Yes. They are crazy into that shit."

Angela laughed again, this time producing a snort. "Do you even know what that phrase _means_?"

"No. I assume it implies that a person has a high level of interest in something?"

"Yeah, basically. See anything else you like?"

She scanned the rest of the shelf but found nothing. Turning around, she looked through another shelf before finding something else that interested her. She picked it up.

The people on the cover were dressed in a combination of leather and black trenchcoats, carrying automatic weapons and wearing sunglasses. She wondered if they were like her, Sarah and John. Derek was excluded from the comparison because there were only three people on the cover. Only one of them was female, but then John had once teased Derek that Cameron was a bigger man than him. She still did not understand why it was funny. Sarah displayed more masculine traits than any of them.

She did not like being reminded of that, Cameron had learned when she pointed that out. John and Derek evidently thought it was hilarious, because they had not ceased laughing for 2 minutes and 23 seconds. Sarah had eventually left the room in a huff.

Wait. There was one human that her initial scan had missed. He was standing behind the main three, bald and wearing sunglasses like the rest. He looked sketchy. That one could be Derek.

Behind the people there were rows of symbols that fell in a pattern resembling rain. She ran them through her translator, but it did not match any known language. Odd. Above the people were two words that formed the title.

_THE MATRIX_

"What's this one about?" she asked after yet another database scan returned nothing other than the theatrical release date. March 31, 1999. 132 days before they entered the time portal. John might have seen this one already.

"Oh, now that's a good one if you're lookin' to kill a couple hours. Don't go near the sequels, though. They suck ass."

"Why do they suck ass?"

"Too much money and not enough people reining in the directors makes for a really overblown piece of shit. The action scenes are pretty good, but most of it's just a bunch of talking to remind you how Neo's the 'savior of mankind' or some shit."

"Savior of mankind?" The phrase immediately caught her interest. Perhaps John would like a movie that featured someone he could relate to.

"Yeah, machines took over the world and trapped all the humans in a virtual reality while they use their bodies for... something. That virtual reality is called the Matrix. That's where the title comes from."

"The machines did not launch nuclear missiles?" That was how it was going to happen. She decided against warning Angela. A video store employee was not a mission priority.

"Nah, they needed humans to make batteries or some shit. Anyway, Neo is 'The One,' the only guy who can put a stop to the war. He can basically bend the rules of the Matrix to his will. Other people can do crazy shit if they focus real hard, but he can stop bullets just by putting up his hand by the end."

She could stop bullets by putting up her hand too. The problem was that they were too tiny and fast to track accurately. The rest of her body was a much better place to stop bullets. "Neo. One. Anagrams."

"Yeah, I thought it was real subtle too. You wanna rent it?"

"Yes." It sounded like an excellent movie. It might help prepare them for the apocalypse.

"Okay, let me ring you up."

She stared. "I didn't bring my phone."

Angela laughed again.

* * *

The jeep pulled up alongside the curb, prompting Derek to look behind him. He scowled when he remembered who had been sent out to do the driving. The machine removed the keys and exited the vehicle, carrying a single plastic bag that contained what looked like a DVD. Sarah noticed her as well, setting down her paint roller and walking over.

"There you are, Tin Miss. What'd you get?"

She fished out the DVD and held it up for Sarah. Derek couldn't see it from this angle.

"Never heard of it," Sarah told her after a moment. "Did you ask about it?"

"Yes. It involves the savior of mankind stopping bullets with his hand."

Sarah laughed and shook her head. "I bet John would love to do that. Alright, good pick." She looked over to Derek, who had frozen when he head that description. "You almost done?"

"Yeah," he replied after a moment. "Gotta let this coat dry anyway."

"Let's take a break then."

He nodded to show his agreement, setting down the roller and then following them inside. John was in the kitchen, still slaving over his homework. Derek was once again glad that he had come back through time at an age where he didn't have to worry about going to school to blend in.

"Hey, how goes the painting adventure?" he greeted without looking up.

"Letting it dry," Sarah answered, then placed the DVD cover over his math problems. "Have you seen that?"

He nodded. "It came out a few months before we went through the time portal. Charley took me to see it."

"How was it?"

"Alright. Never saw the sequels."

"The lady at the video store said they suck ass," Cameron informed him, then turned to Sarah. "Why would one suck ass? It sounds unpleasant."

"That's the point of the expression," explained John.

"What is it anyway?" Derek asked, moving forward to glance at the cover. "Okay, no. _No_. We are not watching that." He pointed at Cameron. "Might give her ideas."

John rolled his eyes. "Would you give it a rest? She proved she's trustworthy already with the traffic program."

"Yeah, if there's one thing you can count on machines to do, it's what they're programmed for. What happens when that programming flips back?"

"It won't."

"How are you sure?"

"What are you two talking about?" Sarah demanded in a tone that caused all eyes to look at her. "How would watching that movie give her ideas?"

"Machines take over the world," Cameron answered. "They trap humans in a virtual reality called the Matrix and then use their bodies as batteries. Or some shit."

John giggled at her correct but still inappropriate use of the phrase. Sarah's expression simply hardened. "First of all, _language_. Second, what made you think this was a good idea?" She snatched the DVD off the table and held it up like a weapon.

"It relates to our current situation," she explained. "It would be useful to analyze the machines' strategy and see how it relates to SkyNet."

"Yeah, it relates a little too much," the older woman said tightly.

"You did not wish to be reminded of your circumstances?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

"Mom, I've watched it and it's not that bad," John cut in. "The machines don't use nukes, and the humans win in the end. It's just a dumb action movie."

"Incorrect. It is a lesson in strategy."

"It's fiction," Sarah insisted.

"It's a bad idea."

All eyes turned toward Derek. He crossed his arms. "I've seen it too. I don't think it'd be appropriate."

"Why not?" John challenged.

"For one thing, it's rated R."

Sarah's head whirled toward Cameron like a battleship turret. "I said nothing above PG-13."

"But it was the best movie I could find."

"Then you didn't look hard enough. We're not watching it. Take it back."

"The store has no return policy. It would be a waste of money."

Sarah set her features in a glare. She stayed that way for several moments, then finally relented. "Fine. Watch the damn movie. How bad could it be?" She stormed out of the room.

"She does not like to waste money," Cameron remarked.

"Got that right," said John, whose attention had returned to the math book.

"I still think it's a bad idea."

"No one asked you."

"No one ever does."

John rolled his eyes and went back to his math homework. "Whatever."

* * *

Sarah and Cameron stood in the kitchen later preparing snacks, while the boys were in the living room trying to set up the new TV and DVD player that had been purchased for the occasion. Cameron boosted her audio receptors and discerned that they were arguing over the proper setup method. She began recording the conversation.

"_No, Derek, you can't put standard input cables on an HDTV."_

"_Why the hell not?"_

"_It makes the screen look like it's been smeared with pig shit."_

"_Hey, watch your mouth. That's no way for the future leader of mankind to be talking."_

"_Tell that to every war movie I've ever seen."_

"_Look, whatever. I'm just saying, we can't find the fancy cables, so we have to make do with what we've got."_

"_What are you talking about? They're right here."_

"_Where the hell did you find those?" _

"_They came in the box. What century did you yank those telegraph wires from?"_

"_I'll have you know I played a big part in setting up the communication network after Judgment Day."_

"_Yeah, I'll bet listening to those dots and dashes was a real revolution."_

"_Whatever. Just hook up the damn cables, would ya?"_

John's reply was indiscernible over the sound of snapping fingers. Confused, she tried boosting the signal, only to see Sarah Connor's hand wave in front of her face.

"Hello? Earth to Cameron? You're not in sleep mode, are you? Because I _will_ balance this popcorn on your head."

"Standby mode," she corrected. "And no. I was recording a conversation between John and Derek."

Sarah cast her a reproving glare. "You're spying?"

"Eavesdropping," the machine confirmed. "I did not think it was wrong given that John says you have the hearing of a mutant bat."

She stared for 17 seconds, glare still present. "Well, go ahead then. Let me hear it."

Cameron played back the conversation for her, imitating Derek and John's voices flawlessly. Sarah's nostrils flared when she got to the line about pig excrement, but she stayed quiet until the end.

"John Connor, get in here!"

"What?" he asked a second later, apparently already on his way. Derek appeared alongside him.

"Play it again," she commanded, and Cameron began to repeat the conversation a second time. This time Sarah stopped her at the offending line, then focused the glare on her son.

John had adopted the expression humans referred to as "a deer in headlights." He opened his mouth to explain himself. "Mom, that's not what I—"

"It's exactly what you said."

He slumped his shoulders. The great John Connor had been defeated. This did not bode well for his future.

"You're using the machine to spy on us?" Derek asked.

"She recorded it on her own."

"Oh, _that's _reassuring."

"Besides, it's not like I need her to spy on people. _Apparently_ I have the hearing of a _mutant bat_." She directed the words forcefully at John, who still refused to look directly at her.

"You do," he replied.

"It's just a mother's intuition," she insisted. "Now, promise me you won't say that word again or you'll be eating soap for dinner."

"Promise."

"Good." The glare disappeared and Sarah seemed to physically relax, her muscles becoming less tense and her heart slowing to a normal rate. It would seem she had calmed down. "Now, did you two get the TV working?"

"Yeah," John answered, sending a glare of his own toward Derek. "Took a little longer than if you'd just sent me to do it, though."

"Hey, I can't help it if I grew up lower middle-class."

"Whatever. How's the popcorn coming?"

"Sarah was going to balance it on my head," Cameron answered, spotting an opening in the conversation for her to reply. Surely they were too amazed to respond to her, as they all stared in silence for exactly 3 seconds.

"Anyway. Movie's in the tray, we're ready when you are."

"Good. Popcorn should be done in a couple minutes."

"Awesome." He looked at her. "I'm surprised you picked that movie out, Cameron. I never would have thought you'd be into Sci-Fi."

"Wrong," she told him. "I am crazy into that shit."

The statement earned a chuckle from John. It seemed to have that effect on people, which was why Cameron kept saying it. It must have been a funny joke or something.

Sarah did not react with laughter. She whirled around and set her eyes on the two of them with a fury even greater than before.

"Do I have to wash _both_ your mouths with soap?"

"Not probable. My mouth is self-cleaning. It releases several chemical solutions to dissolve whatever food I might have eaten in case I need to do so to blend in. And the pseudo-enamel on my teeth is coated with Teflon."

"That explains why I never see you brush your teeth," John remarked.

"Just don't use any more dirty words," Sarah ordered.

"Words can be dirty?"

"Figure of speech," John explained. "She means swear words. The soap is meant as a symbolic punishment."

Swear words. Slang terms that some humans found offensive. That explained why Sarah was so irate. "I'm sorry. I learned that phrase from the lady at the video store."

"Did you now?" said Sarah. "Well, isn't this just a fine city we live in?"

She calculated a 97 percent chance that the older woman was using sarcasm. "I suppose it would be. If it didn't smell like shit."

The statement left her vocal processor before her social protocols could warn her that it might be received negatively. Odd. Perhaps this was what humans referred to as "letting your tongue get ahead of your brain."

John doubled over with laughter, while Sarah stormed off toward the bathroom to grab a bar of soap.

* * *

Author's Notes: This is a pseudo-follow up to that last story I wrote. Having Derek mention _The Matrix_ got my wheels turning, and I decided to see what would happen if the whole family watched it during movie night. Unlike the last story, this is a comedy.

There are two more chapters on the way, and then this little excursion will be finished. I'll be releasing chapters as I finish them.

I do have to thank Pjazz for writing "The Secret Diary of Cameron Baum." I never would have gotten the dialogue anywhere near as good as I did if I hadn't read it. I didn't steal anything, but it helped me to develop an ear for the characters' dialogue (especially Cameron's) in a way that simply watching the show didn't. I recommend checking that story out if you haven't already.

Let me know what you think!

EDIT: Ack, remind me never to post right out of the document editor. I put a line break in the wrong place and it totally screwed things up. Sorry for the confusion.


	2. Close to Home

**Chapter Two**  
Close to Home

"You are such a freak," John informed Cameron as they all sat down to watch the movie.

They had brought over fresh popcorn and other refreshments that Sarah had done most of the work preparing. She, John and Cameron occupied the couch, while Derek brought a chair over from the kitchen, saying that he "didn't want to sit next to that thing." No one argued with him.

"Was I not supposed to eat the soap?" Cameron asked, ever the naïve cyborg.

"Given that mom uses it to wash her pits? Definitely not."

"John!" Sarah slapped him across the shoulder. The mouth on that boy sometimes.

"Sorry."

"It tasted like lavender," she informed him. "Not pits."

"Just stay away from my body wash and you'll be fine."

"Hey, are we gonna watch this movie or what?" Derek called over from his chair.

John lifted the remote and pressed play.

The first few minutes of the movie were confusing, but Sarah quickly got the gist. There was a woman, Trinity, who was talking on the phone and had the police after her. She needed to find an exit. Also after her were a couple of imposing men in suits who wore sunglasses at night and had wires sticking out of their ears. After Trinity dealt with the police in an overly ostentatious fashion, one of the men in suits gave chase, and it soon developed into a scenario Sarah was all too familiar with.

She escaped, though. Vanished right into the phone. Sarah wished she could do that sometimes.

She sighed in relief. It was just fiction. It couldn't harm her. Maybe this movie wasn't so bad after all.

Half an hour later, Sarah was revising that sentiment.

It was bad enough when the Agents—implacable men that reminded her far too much of the enemy they faced in real life—strapped the main character down to a table and let an insect crawl into his navel while his mouth was covered with skin. She was even able to handle when the resistance fighters got the bug out with a strange device. She accepted the explanation of the character named Morpheus and waited for the big reveal.

Then a mirror got stuck to Neo's finger and spread across his entire body, swallowing him whole.

Sarah supposed that the scene had been scary enough when people first saw it. Those people hadn't faced a T-1000. If that terminator had been smart enough to try that trick on her, she wouldn't be sitting here watching this movie with her family right now.

She squeezed John's hand tighter as Neo woke up to the real world.

As the next few scenes played out, Sarah found that one of her hypotheses about this movie was proving false. She had thought that Neo would remind her of John. But he didn't.

He reminded Sarah of herself.

Ordinary person, living day to day, suddenly discovers that destiny holds so much more for them then they ever could have imagined. A stranger comes along and informs them of the awful truth, telling them they need to go with them to live. The person has no option but to fight.

Sarah looked down as Morpheus began explaining what the Matrix was. When entertainment started turning into a surreal version of your life, you were lucky if you were able to laugh at the joke.

She and luck weren't on speaking terms.

She looked back up just in time to see that the white around the characters had given way to a desolate landscape, with dark gray clouds overhead and ruined buildings as far as the eye could see. Sarah felt her heart sink knowing that something similar waited in their future.

"Is that what it looks like?" she asked softly, looking at Derek while Morpheus rambled about man's pride leading to his fall at the hands of the machines. She knew that story well. "After the bombs fall, does it look like that?"

"No," Derek answered just as quietly, but with a slight edge to his voice. "There's more fire."

They watched silently as Morpheus explained that the purpose of the Matrix was to keep humans docile while the machines used their bodies for energy. They got to the part where Morpheus held up a battery, and then Cameron started rambling about thermodynamics, causing John to pause.

"The amount of energy generated for every one of those towers is insufficient to power a standard city block," she complained. "And the life-support must take power to run as well, far more than the human body could ever produce. They are losing power faster than they can create it. It would be much smarter to use nuclear power as radioactive isotopes cannot become disgruntled and rebel."

"What about reactor leaks?" John quipped.

"What about them?"

"Never mind."

"I gotta admit, it doesn't make much sense," said Derek.

"They weren't going to go with that originally," John explained. "They wanted to make it so the machines keep the humans' brains intact while they use them to power a giant supercomputer."

"That wouldn't have been any more efficient," opined Cameron. "Silicon is a much better medium for building a supercomputer."

"Would've made a hell of a lot more sense than this crap. So why'd they end up changing it?"

"Studio mandated it. Thought people would be too stupid to get it."

"Figures. Treat people like idiots and that's what they become."

"You know what?" Sarah broke in. "While you three have this _fascinating_ conversation, I'm going to take a bathroom break." She stood up from the sofa and headed toward the bathroom.

"Do not eat the soap!" Cameron warned. "It tastes like pits!"

"I'll keep that in mind," she muttered under her breath.

She didn't actually have to use the bathroom. She just needed to get away from that movie for a while. To distract herself, she thought of possible punishments that might have to be meted out should Cameron continue to learn swearing. It was almost as if she were a real teenager.

That thinking paid off when she returned to find that Cameron was learning hand gestures as well.

"Sarah?" the machine asked her with her typical ignorance of human customs. "What does this signify?"

She held off answering for a moment. Cameron's palm was facing inward, and all her fingers were curled down except one. John and Derek were struggling to hold back laughter, and at once she knew who was behind this. It looked like those punishments would be getting applied to someone else.

"Where did you learn that?"

"From earlier in the movie. The character named Thomas Anderson offered it to Agent Smith in lieu of making a deal. What does it mean?"

"They didn't tell you?" she asked, pointing to the conspirators.

Cameron shook her head. "They said that you would know."

"It means you're telling somebody to screw themselves."

Her head tilted curiously to the side.

"Sexually. You're telling them to sexually violate themselves."

"Oh," she said, lowering the finger. "Is that bad?"

Sarah rolled her eyes. For a supposedly ruthless killing machine, sometimes Cameron acted more human than she realized. She really was like a daughter at times.

"Yes," she said simply. "It's bad."

"Then I apologize. I do not wish for you to sexually violate yourself. It's bad."

"I appreciate the concern."

"Ready to get back to the movie now?" John asked as though he actually believed she didn't realize Cameron was a mere victim of circumstances.

"Not quite. Whose idea was it to take advantage of her like that?"

John and Derek exchanged a worried look. She knew it well.

"Busted," Cameron said without the snide satisfaction that usually accompanied the remark. Sarah guessed it was another term she had overheard and decided to apply. At least she was using it in the proper context. That was an improvement over her usual methods.

She looked between the two of them, until suddenly they pointed at each other.

"So it was both of you?" she decided, not caring to choose between them.

"More or less," John admitted.

"Well, both of you need to stop it or you're on gun-cleaning duty for the rest of the week. It's bad enough that she kills people. I don't want her swearing on top of it."

Inwardly, Sarah acknowledged just how messed up that sounded, but it was true. She had rules, dammit.

"Yeah, John," admonished Derek. "Quit treating her like a Furby."

"It was your idea to have her ask Mom!"

"Wasn't my idea to watch the movie."

"And yet here you are."

"What's a Furby?"

Everyone looked at Cameron.

"They were little dolls that you could train to imitate what you said," explained John. "They kinda got unpopular after kids started teaching 'em swear words."

"I see. I do not wish to become unpopular."

"Little late for that," Derek sniped. John shot him a glare.

"Enough of that," Sarah warned. "Let's just watch the rest of this movie."

She sat down, and John pressed play.

Sarah tried not to draw too many parallels between Neo's reaction to the truth and her own. She hadn't actually thrown up, but Sarah didn't deny that she had felt like it. She still felt like it sometimes.

The scene after that held some level of familiarity. It was the usual talk about destiny and saving mankind, only she had been told that her son would lead the world to freedom. She hadn't been given the burden herself, and she could understand why Neo didn't seem to want it. That was where he started to remind her of John.

In a way, she supposed that Neo bore a resemblance to many different people. Characters existed so that people could relate to them, to see parts of themselves and connect with that. His life wasn't exactly the same as hers; otherwise there would be no point in watching. But she could definitely sympathize with his predicament.

The next few scenes were thankfully unfamiliar, but made her envious at the same time. Neo wasn't just given the truth and then left to fend for himself. He didn't spend years in a mental hospital because nobody would believe him. He was taken in by the Resistance, given a new home and a new family. He learned in hours what had taken her years to master. It was quite literally programmed into his brain.

John chuckled and turned to Cameron. "Do _you_ know Kung Fu?"

"No."

"That's too bad."

"Why?"

"Because Kung Fu can make people accept anything."

She knew he was joking, but part of her wondered whether the world would be more welcoming of a terminator if it could be reprogrammed to act in Hollywood films. It would certainly eliminate the need for stuntmen. Besides, it might actually act better than most of the robots that were already there. She laughed and shook her head.

One moment that stood out to her occurred when Morpheus took Neo on a walk through a busy street. He seemed to know exactly where he was stepping as they moved against the herd of businesspeople, while Neo stumbled and bumped into them as they paid him absolutely no mind. Already she could tell that something was wrong.

That suspicion was confirmed when Neo got distracted by a woman in a red dress—another way in which he was similar to John—only to turn around and discover that she had been transformed into the same Agent that had let the bug crawl down his navel. He leveled a gun at his head, and then everything froze. It had been a simulation. Neo looked understandably confused at that prospect.

"_This... this isn't the Matrix?"_

"_No. It's another training program designed to teach you one thing. If you are not one of us, you are one of them."_

A bit of a harsh lesson, but similar to one she hadn't hesitated to teach John several times. People couldn't be trusted. They were stupid animals who wanted to believe that their version of the future was real, who refused to comprehend the awful truth and would not listen if they were told. And those were just the ones who weren't secretly cyborg killing machines programmed to hunt down and destroy him. She understood exactly where Morpheus was coming from.

What Morpheus told him next was something Sarah only wished were true. Real future saviors of mankind didn't get superpowers like they did in the movies. They were just as helpless against the enemy as the rest of humanity. He just happened to be trained very well.

The scene after that offered them their first real look at the machines. Sarah was not impressed. She had seen much worse. Still, she did wish that they had thought of what the characters mentioned next. "Think we could try that?"

"Current technology levels are unable to produce a widespread electromagnetic pulse without a nuclear detonation," Cameron replied. "And our systems are designed to shut down in the case of electrical overload and reboot 120 seconds later."

"So in other words, no."

The machine nodded.

"Figured as much."

The next scene creeped Sarah out a little. There was something about this "Cypher" character that unnerved her. He wasn't acting entirely trustworthy. She'd had traitors in her midst before, and he was displaying all the classic signs. Still, he offered some sound advice.

"_You see an agent, you do what we do. _Run_. Run your _ass_ off."_

She had given the same advice to her son many times. But lately he'd gotten tired of running. Frankly, so had she.

The scene after that confirmed Sarah's suspicions. Cypher was eating dinner with Agent Smith, reflecting on how his steak tasted good even though it wasn't real. He wasn't like the others, she realized. He didn't want to live free if it meant giving up the illusion. He would rather be ignorant than know the truth.

Was that how John felt sometimes? She knew that she had been unable to give him a normal childhood, but it was necessary to shape him into the man who would lead humankind to victory. But was it worth it if he died and his last thought was that he knew it would happen? She told herself that he understood his destiny. But as he had reminded her several times, that didn't mean he had to like it.

Her thoughts were interrupted when Derek suddenly snickered. She stared at him. "What's so funny?"

"Well, his last name's Reagan, and he wants to be an actor who doesn't remember anything."

"So?"

"Ronald Reagan was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 1994."

She glared at him, and so did John. "That's just mean," he said.

Derek rolled his eyes and turned back to the movie. "I thought it was funny."

Cameron let out an extremely fake laugh. Everyone turned to stare at her. "I thought it was funny too."

All of them simply looked back to the movie.

By this time Neo was being taken to see the Oracle. She paid just enough attention to follow what was happening until Neo reached the kitchen, where her interest was immediately piqued.

"_Okay. Now I'm supposed to say, `Umm, that's interesting, but...' then you say..."_

"_But what?"_

"_But you already know what I'm going to say."_

"_I'm not The One."_

"_Sorry, kiddo. You got the gift, but it looks like you're waiting for something."_

"_What?"_

"_Your next life, maybe. Who knows? That's the way these things go."_

Unconsciously, her eyes turned to John. So, she noticed, had all the other eyes in the room. He was staring at the screen, looking deep in thought.

As usual, Cameron asked the unnecessary question. "Are you waiting for your next life, John?"

"Maybe."

Nothing else needed to be said.

Onscreen, everything went to hell. Agents and police caught up to the resistance, the young pervert named Mouse was killed, Morpheus was captured after a brutal duel that seemed entirely too familiar to everyone watching, and now Cypher was threatening to pull the plug on humanity's last hope. He got blasted by energy in the end, but the damage had been done. Three members of the Resistance were dead, and one more was wounded.

All because of a traitor.

She turned to see that Derek was glaring at Cameron as though the whole thing was her fault. She stared at the screen, oblivious.

Eventually they had to reach a decision. Morpheus was being held captive by Agents who were trying to crack into his brain to find the codes to Zion's mainframe computer. If he revealed that information, it would betray the entire human race. They had to pull the plug.

Sarah knew what she would do in that situation. Cut her losses and never look back. Derek would do the same, and she didn't need to wonder about Cameron. She had trained John to do it as well. But his decisions didn't always follow that cold logic.

And neither did theirs, apparently. In an act of stupidity that could only a human could manage, Neo decided to do the impossible.

"He's being illogical," Cameron complained. "The best decision would be to sever the connection and retreat."

"No, he's being human," countered John. "You've seen me make decisions like that."

"Even your mother agrees that those are irresponsible and unnecessary."

"But it usually works out in the end," Sarah admitted, defending her son. "Taking stupid risks is what sets us apart from SkyNet."

"I will never understand human decision-making."

"Let me put it this way," said John. "If it was me in those Agents' hands, what would you do?"

"I would perform my mission," she answered. "To protect John Connor by any means necessary."

"So you're saying you'd go rescue me." It was not a question.

Cameron appeared to consider that for a moment. "Yes."

"Without hesitating?"

"Yes."

"And why is that?"

"Because your life matters more than any of the other three billion that will be lost on Judgment Day," she answered. "Because I am programmed to protect you regardless of the threat it poses to my continued existence."

"You would die for me?"

"Yes."

"Because I matter more to you than anything else in the world?"

She paused again. "Yes."

John smiled. "Now do you understand?"

"No."

He laughed. "Never mind then."

"Hey, would you shut up?" Derek snapped. "This is my favorite part."

"I thought you didn't like this movie?"

"Never said that. Just didn't think it was a good idea for her to see it. Now stay quiet."

The action sequence was certainly impressive, Sarah admitted. She knew that most of the maneuvers they attempted would end with their bullet-riddled corpses in real life, but this wasn't real. She wished that she could perform some of those, but decided to stick with what she knew.

Neo and Trinity managed to rescue Morpheus, and after a tense helicopter ride, they appeared to be safe. Sarah let herself breathe as Morpheus disappeared into the phone.

And then she gasped again when Agent Smith took over the body of a vagrant and shot straight through the receiver, narrowly missing Trinity.

That left Neo.

Sarah wanted to scream at him to run, but stopped because the characters were already doing it for her. He didn't run, though. He stayed.

"That is also illogical," said Cameron. "He should run."

"Sometimes people get tired of running," John replied.

The battle that followed demonstrated the utter futility of fighting against a pursuer that was stronger, faster, and all around more likely to survive a fight than you. Neo was tossed around like a rag doll, but he kept getting back up every time. She recognized a lot of herself in that, but mostly it reminded her of John whenever the stakes were down. He had taken after her in that respect.

Neo eventually managed to defeat Smith by smashing him into the ceiling and leaving him in the path of a moving train. For a moment, it looked as though he had won. She had thought the same thing once, when she saw the gas tanker explode.

But like the terminator rising from the flames, Agent Smith returned. He stepped off the train fully intact, ready to go again.

Sarah grew tense when she realized the full implication of Morpheus' warning earlier in the film. Agents could assume the bodies of anybody still connected to the Matrix. That made them even more dangerous than the enemies they faced in real life. After all, once a terminator was crushed in a hydraulic press or lowered into molten steel, it was gone. Agents could just keep coming no matter how many times you killed them.

She sincerely hoped that SkyNet never figured out the same trick.

This time, Neo did the smart thing. He ran.

Meanwhile, the sentinels were coming.

The chase ended exactly the way Sarah thought it would. With Neo on the floor, eight .50 caliber bullets lodged in his torso. It was over.

Trinity didn't seem to think so, however, and revived him with a kiss even as sentinels continued to slice away at the ship.

"That should not have happened," Cameron insisted. "He was terminated. He cannot be un-terminated."

John shook his head. "No, don't you remember what Morpheus said earlier? Your mind makes it real. Once he stops treating the Matrix as real, it can't hurt him."

"I bet his poor grasp of the laws of physics keeps him safe from that too," Derek remarked.

The fight was over before it began. Neo stopped the bullets being fired at him by simply holding up his hand and commanding them to stop. Smith tried attacking him after that, but he fended him off one-handed, then leapt inside him and destroyed the Agent from the inside out.

Now it was the Agents' turn to run.

Sarah felt a jolt of satisfaction at that outcome, despite knowing it was impossible. That was what a good action movie was for: to give the viewer a power fantasy that they could indulge in. Neo left the Matrix shortly after that, at which point the EMP was triggered and the sentinels went dead.

"Hey, record this next part," John ordered, looking at Cameron. She nodded her head and dutifully did so.

"_I know you're out there,_" Neo was saying into a payphone as a trace program started and failed._ "I can feel you now. I know that you're afraid. You're afraid of us. You're afraid of change. I don't know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell you how it's going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone, and then I'm going to show these people what you don't want them to see. I'm going to show them a world without you. A world without rules and controls, without borders or boundaries. A world where anything is possible. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you."_

The credits started to roll, and "Wake Up" by Rage Against the Machine started to play. Sarah raised an eyebrow.

"Any particular reason you wanted that recorded?"

"Just thought it'd be a pretty cool thing to say someday."

Sarah rolled her eyes.

"What happens after that?" asked Cameron.

"A couple of high budget sequels that completely forget what this movie was about," replied Derek. "Neo gets so powerful that the only real conflict happens when he's not around, and they spend most of the time turning him into some Christ allegory instead of keeping it Sci-Fi. Not worth watching."

"They totally suck ass."

"Exactly."

John turned off the DVD player. "Well, Mom, what'd you think?"

"It wasn't that bad," she admitted, though part of her knew that this was going to add an interesting layer to her usual nightmares. She glared at Cameron. "But next time I want you to get something that's a little more family-friendly."

"Since when is she family?" asked Derek.

"Considering she's started swearing like a real teenager, I'd say she's more a part of this family than I realized."

John laughed.

"Well, I think we can all agree on one thing," said Derek.

"What's that?"

"The future is gonna suck."

They all nodded in agreement.

"Will there be shit everywhere?" asked Cameron. "Is that what happens when you suck ass?"

"Cameron!" they all shouted at once.

* * *

Author's Notes: I would just like to go on record saying that I love _The Matrix_ and am probably the only person who still enjoys the sequels. Most of what I said about them is true, but that freeway scene was awesome, dammit! Like I said with my last story, though, I don't like using characters as mouthpieces. I really don't think Derek would enjoy the sequels. Too talky. That and I don't want to have to write another one of these.

Since I figure most of you have seen _The Matrix_ in the 11 years since it came out, I focused on the relevant parts and glossed over everything else. It ended up having way more in common with the _Terminator_ universe than I first thought, and it was fun to draw comparisons. I hope you all enjoyed it as well.

If you look closely, you'll see I managed to work in a reference to another work that features "bullet time." See if you can spot it.

The side-storyline of Cameron learning to swear sort of developed by accident. I wanted to include that phrase she learns in the first scene of the last chapter because I thought it was hilarious, but I didn't know how to go about introducing swearing to the Connor household without making everyone seem OOC. I'm not one of those people who insists that the only reason characters don't swear is because of some hidden censor. There has to be an in-story reason why it never comes up. Then I remembered how controlling of a mother Sarah can be and had her overreact to the whole thing as is her wont.

That leads me to the main impetus behind this story, which was to show the Connors interacting as a family, and I don't mean just Sarah and John. Derek is a blood relative, and Cameron is close enough to count by now. That twisted family dynamic was one of the things that made me fall in love with the show, far more than any shipping opportunities. The point of this story was just to show them interacting like the twisted bunch of crazies they are, while doing a somewhat normal family activity. Not everything has to be about romance or saving the world from SkyNet. Sometimes you need to just sit down in front of the couch and relax.

One more chapter to go.


	3. What's Worth Fighting For

**Chapter Three**  
What's Worth Fighting For

The snacks were cleaned up and put away. The DVD was removed from the player and put back in its case, to be returned by Cameron the next day. John disappeared into his room, followed by Cameron. That left Sarah and Derek alone in the kitchen.

"You know," he said as he leaned against the island in the center of the room, where only a few weeks prior he'd been laying down trying not to die from blood loss, "I still don't think it was a good idea to watch that movie."

"I enjoyed it a little," Sarah admitted, sitting down in a chair. "Besides, we got to spend some time together as a family. It's not very often that we get to do that."

"I still don't think that machine counts as family."

"You don't have to. But the only reason you haven't been killed in your sleep yet is because she keeps up the night patrol."

"That actually makes me _more_ worried."

Sarah rolled her eyes. "John accepts her. And even though I wouldn't hesitate to tear her apart if she betrayed us, I'm starting to trust her too. She protects us."

"You keep relying on her like that and you're gonna end up dead."

She smiled. "That's a risk I'm willing to take."

"You're insane."

Her smile vanished. "Careful."

"Oh, right. Mental Hospital."

"Yeah."

Silence reigned for a couple of minutes. "Where did she learn to swear again?"

Sarah laughed. "Video store, remember?"

"Right. Why are you so uptight about that anyway?"

"I'm a mother," she replied. "If I let her swear I'd have to relax my policy on John."

Derek chuckled. "John never let anybody swear around him in the future," he revealed. "This one time he actually had one of his Majors court-martialed for calling his plan bullshit. I always wondered where he got that from."

"I think it might have been what he was calling bullshit that upset him."

"Nah, he was always like that. People would be cursing enough to make their mothers roll over in their graves when he wasn't there, but whenever John walked by they'd always shut up. They really respected him a lot."

"You're sure it wasn't fear?"

"Not if they were willing to follow him to the gates of Hell."

Sarah smiled.

"You know, I was a really big Sci-Fi nerd growing up," he said. "I saw that movie when I was ten, then I watched the sequels right after. I got into _Star Wars _and _Star Trek_, all the popular stuff. I even watched this show called _Firefly_."

"What was that about?"

"Cowboys in space," he summarized. "I don't remember that much about it. It got cancelled when I was six."

"I see."

"Then Judgment Day happened and I couldn't help thinking that I should have seen it coming. I mean, _The Matrix_ isn't the only movie about machines taking over the world."

"You couldn't have predicted it on your own."

"Yeah, I know that. But the reason I didn't want to watch that movie tonight was because it reminds me of a time when I thought all that stuff was just fiction. I never dreamed it would come true."

"It doesn't have to."

He nodded.

"I was never very interested in movies," she shared. "I spent my nights going out and getting drunk, not thinking about tomorrow. Until the future snuck up on me."

Derek said nothing.

"But I do remember one night in high school my friends and I snuck out to see _Star Wars_," she told him, and her eyes lit up with nostalgia. "I never thought about why I liked it so much. I guess it's because it wasn't promising the future. It was telling a story that happened in the past. The robots in there weren't trying to kill anybody; they had a place in society. It was a universe where man and machine just got along."

"You've obviously never heard of Assassin Droids," Derek said flatly.

"What?"

"There's an Expanded Universe story about a robot called IG-88. It was programmed for self-preservation, so when its creators tried to shut it off after a test run it killed them all to ensure its own survival. Became a bounty hunter after that."

Sarah glared at him. "You can find a way to ruin everything, can't you?"

He shrugged.

"John liked watching movies growing up," she said. "We were in Central America at the time so what wasn't bootlegged was in Spanish and they were really low quality cassettes, but he just fell in love with them. I would always watch them with him and tell him about the ones I'd seen in America." She smiled. "Those were some pretty happy times."

"That why you wanted to do this tonight?"

She nodded. "Ever since we got here all he talks about is the mission," she said. "I wanted to spend some time with him like a normal mother."

Derek nodded. "I'm sure he appreciates it."

"We can only hope."

It was silent for a few more minutes until Sarah spoke up again. "You know, his birthday's coming up soon."

"Yeah, I know."

She raised an eyebrow.

"I celebrated his thirtieth with him."

"Ah." She smiled. "What happened?"

"Oh, you know, cone-shaped hats, blowing out candles, singing happy birthday, the usual stuff."

Sarah broke out her 'I know you're lying' expression. "What happened really?"

"He got drunk like a skunk. We all got hammered and tore the place up. And I think a goat might have been sacrificed somewhere in there, I'm not sure."

She busted out laughing.

"He never told us what his birthday wish was, but we all knew. It was the same every year."

"What was it? Did he wish Judgment Day never happened?"

Derek shook his head. "He wished you were still alive to see us win."

She smiled.

"Maybe this wasn't such a bad idea after all," he admitted. "If we don't appreciate what we're trying to preserve, how are we gonna remember what's worth fighting for?"

Sarah continued grinning. "Tell me more about the John you knew."

They continued talking long into the night.

* * *

John stepped into his room, and Cameron followed swiftly behind. The computer setup where they had cracked Vick's chip still hummed quietly as the cooling fans worked to keep it at a manageable temperature. John collapsed on his bed.

Cameron remained standing and stared at him expectantly. "What do you want?" he asked finally. "You've been following me around like a lost puppy ever since the movie got over."

"Why did he want to show them a world without rules?"

He sat up and raised an eyebrow. "What?"

She started repeating the lines of dialogue he had asked her to record in an eerily dead-on impression of Keanu Reeves' voice. He stopped her.

"Oh, that. I'm not sure."

"He was putting their lives in danger by revealing the truth like that. The less people know about the truth, the better."

"For us, maybe. But his goal was different. He was trying to break the illusion and get people to see what's really going on. We're trying to stop Judgment Day from ever happening. It'll be a lot easier to live with if they never even know it's coming."

Her head tilted to the side. "Do you wish that you could tell humanity the truth?"

"Sometimes," he admitted. "It'd be a lot easier for me to deal with if I knew I wasn't alone."

"Then you should tell them. It will make you happier."

"Not necessarily. For one thing, nobody would believe me. I have no proof."

"You have me."

He laughed. "Yeah, that's a great idea. Let's take you on all the major talk shows and tell everyone that a nuclear apocalypse is just around the corner. That won't make 'em panic or anything. Maybe even show the military and get them interested in building their own prototype AI. That'd end _really_ well."

Cameron stared at him. "You are using sarcasm."

"No shit."

"You shouldn't say that word. Sarah will make you eat the soap that tastes like pits."

John lay flat on his back and started laughing his head off.

"Did I say something funny? Was that a joke? Is that why you're laughing?"

He finished laughing and sat back up. "Cam, you really need to have a sense of humor programmed into you or something."

"Ralph Waldo Emerson once said that humor results from the suspension of reason. I am designed to function based on logic and reason. Suspending them would not be in my best interest."

"You only have to do it for as long as it takes you to laugh at the joke. Here, I'll tell you one: how can you get four suits for a dollar?"

Cameron was silent for a few moments. "I don't know. Unless they were exceptionally cheap suits. Perhaps purchased at a thrift store for 25 cents each."

"Nope," he replied with a grin, shaking his head.

"Then how?"

"Buy a deck of cards."

She blinked at him. "I don't understand."

"It's a pun," he explained. "Cards come in four suits. 'Suit' can mean any number of things. Most people think you're talking about the kind you wear when they hear the joke, and they're not expecting the punch line. That's what makes it funny."

"But it makes no sense," she complained. "The last listed price I observed for a deck of cards was 2 dollars and 49 cents. Where did you find it for a dollar?"

John rolled his eyes. "That's not the point. Back when they first came up with the joke, decks of cards cost a dollar. You have to stop thinking about all those little details, like Emerson was saying. It's funnier because it's wrong."

"Lies are funny?"

"It's not a lie, it's a joke. Although now that I've had to sit here explaining it to you, it's not that funny anymore."

"Mark Twain once said that explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog. You understand it a little better, but the frog dies in the process."

John raised an eyebrow. "Have you been reading a quotes dictionary?"

She nodded. "Yes."

"Why?"

"I don't sleep."

"Right."

She was quiet for a few more seconds. "Is swearing funny because it's wrong?"

John grinned. "Not entirely. The reason it's funny when you do it is because you don't seem to know what it means."

"I don't."

"Exactly. Watching you try and blend in with pop culture is hilarious."

"You find my failure to perform my mission hilarious?"

He didn't think it was possible for a machine to sound hurt, but John could have sworn he saw her pouting a little bit.

"Um, not for those reasons. It's more the fact that you don't seem to realize you're wrong until someone corrects you on it."

"Oh." She continued staring at him with that look on her face, and eventually John sighed.

"Did I hurt you or something? You look like someone just punched your puppy."

"No," she answered. "I am a machine. You are not capable of harming me emotionally."

"Then why are you looking at me like I did?"

"I am not performing my mission adequately," she answered. "I am designed to blend in with human culture and be indistinguishable from other humans. If I cannot master slang or humor then I am not living up to my design. I should be terminated and replaced with a superior model."

John simply chuckled.

"Why are you laughing? I did not make a joke."

He continued smiling. "You're cute when you're suicidal."

She stared at him. "You find me to be cute?"

"Yeah," he said, still grinning. "Cam, do you know why I think you haven't gotten human culture yet?"

She shook her head.

"It's because you're running off of programming that was given to you by SkyNet. You understand us a little better than the average terminator because of what the Resistance gave you, but you're still going off of secondhand research when really it's something you need to experience firsthand."

Cameron nodded. "It is like the character named Cypher was saying about the Matrix. There is too much information to decode."

"Exactly. The other reason is that you look sixteen but you're really only about a couple years old."

"3 years, 4 months, 9 days, 27 minutes and 13 seconds, when accounting for all variables incurred by time travel," she rattled off. "20 seconds now."

"That's around the age when kids start learning how to talk. Did you know we don't develop abstract thought until we're about eleven or twelve?"

"Yes. My medical database shows that the parietal lobe does not develop sufficiently to allow for meaningful consideration of abstract concepts until just before puberty."

"Exactly. Little kids don't get humor either. They'll tell you a joke and think it's funny, but if you ask them to explain it they won't know why. They haven't been around long enough to really understand everything that's going on around them. So the reason you haven't been able to blend in very well is because you're basically a toddler trying to go to high school."

"You are suggesting that I will gain a greater understanding of humans if I spend more time around them?"

He nodded. "I already got a cyborg to understand why humans cry."

"Humans cry when they are hurt or upset. It is a physical reaction that helps to ease stress on the body, thus increasing its longevity."

"It makes us feel better," John simplified. "Where'd you learn that?"

"It was programmed into me by the Resistance," she revealed. "You insisted on adding it yourself."

He smiled. "How much of your reprogramming was I responsible for?"

"My social protocols were a major area of focus," she answered. "I am 92 percent more effective at blending in with human society than other models of my type."

"How so?"

"You taught me to smile."

His own grin grew wider in response. "Let's see it."

"See what?"

"Your smile."

She demonstrated with a big toothy grin, and John admitted that if he hadn't specifically instructed her to do that, he would have been fooled. "That's a good look on you."

The smile faded until she was simply raising the edges of her lips, and she stepped forward, then ran the back of her hand down his cheek. He sprang back out of reflex, but noted that her touch had not been cold like it usually was. Her hand had felt... kind of warm.

"You did not find that effective?"

He wrinkled his brow. "Huh?"

She looked over to where the computer lay dormant. "When we were examining Vick's visual memory I observed that that gesture was effective."

John nodded. He remembered that. "You weren't just making conversation, were you?"

Cameron shook her head and slowly sat down next to him. She reached her hand up again, this time to cup his chin. He did not pull away this time. "I have been studying gestures that humans seem to respond positively to," she revealed. "This one is almost universally accepted."

Time slowed to a halt as she leaned forward and closed her eyes. John was too stunned to stop her, and it wasn't until those artificial lips reached his that he realized what was going on. He jerked back, out of her iron grip that faltered when she saw that he did not wish for this to happen. She looked at him with the same hurt expression as before.

"Cameron, what the _hell_?"

"You do not allow yourself to cry," she answered. The remark seemed random but John had learned by this point that she would soon work her way to something that made sense. "Instead you sit by yourself for long periods of time and stare at various objects. Your stress levels are higher than the human average. This works against you and shortens your lifespan significantly."

He stared at her. Was she... concerned about him?

"There are other methods of relieving stress," she continued. "I am prepared to do whatever it takes to 'bring you out of your funk.'"

Normally he would laugh at her use of that hilariously outdated expression. But right now all he could concentrate on was her insane reasoning. "Are you telling me you just tried to make out with me so I'd feel better?"

"It is my mission to protect you," she said. "That includes looking after your health."

"Well, no offense Cam, but the thought of you and I doing... _that_ just stresses me out more."

"Why do you call me Cam?"

He squinted. "Huh?"

"Normally you refer to me as Cameron. You have called me 'Cam' 3 times in the last 10 minutes."

John hadn't thought about that. "Uh, I decided to give you a new nickname?"

"I have analyzed your responses and their context in our conversation," she continued, apparently not believing him. "From your tone and the words you chose it appears that you were flirting with me."

"What?" he stood up. "Are you saying I _wanted _that to happen?"

"It is the same goal as every human who flirts."

"Clearly you don't understand the purpose of flirting," he rebutted. "Which I wasn't doing, by the way."

"Then what were you doing?"

He scratched the back of his head. "Trying to make you feel better, I guess."

"I am a machine. It is not possible for me to feel better."

"Well, you were going on about how you aren't blending in right, and I wanted to tell you that it's not your fault. How does that translate to wanting you to kiss me?"

"You were attempting to comfort me," she replied. "I was trying to return the favor."

"Well it didn't work," he said. "There's no way that could ever work."

"Why not?"

"Mom would freak, Derek would shoot you with a rocket launcher, and we're supposed to be posing as brother and sister. Brothers and sisters don't kiss."

"The reason for the incest taboo is the erroneous belief that it will result in genetically inferior offspring. In truth it takes several generations of inbreeding for any noticeable mutations to occur. Besides, I have no genes. There are no risk factors."

He rolled his eyes. "You try explaining that to Mom."

"I do not wish to do that. She would shoot me with a rocket launcher."

John laughed.

"Would your stress levels lower if I told you a joke?"

He blinked at her. "What?"

"If you do not wish to relieve stress by engaging in kissing, then I must find another way to make you feel better," she explained. "Laughter is the best medicine."

"Um, yeah," he said, sitting down. "Let me hear one."

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Cameron."

"Cameron who?"

"Cameron Baum."

John frowned. "You're supposed to add something more than your last name."

"Like what?"

"Let me do one. "Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Wendy."

She blinked. "Your name is not Wendy."

"Just say 'Wendy who?'"

"Wendy who?"

"Wendy last time you took a bath?"

She blinked. "Your sentence makes no grammatical sense."

"That's the point. It's another pun. I'm asking you when's the last time you took a bath."

"I do not take baths. My skin is dirt resistant and self-cleaning. It is an improvement over older models which tended to rot."

John rolled his eyes. "Try and forget about all that."

"You are not laughing."

"No, because you're not getting this."

"I am trying to get you to laugh. Otherwise I will have failed."

John shook his head and smiled. "You're funnier when you're not trying to be."

"I see. So I should not attempt to tell funny jokes?"

"Just try a different format."

"Okay. Why did the chicken cross the road?"

He pretended not to know the answer to that. "Why?"

"To terminate all the worms."

John raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"The worms were standing on the other side of the road, taunting the chicken. It decided to cross over in order to terminate them."

"Was the chicken a cyborg?"

"Yes."

John leaned back on the bed and let out a good long laugh.

"Have I succeeded?"

He finished laughing and sat back up. "Yeah. But the real answer is 'to get to the other side.'"

"I found that too boring. I made up my own story."

"Well, you did a good job. That was pretty funny."

"Would you like to hear another?"

He grinned. "Sure."

They continued telling each other jokes for the next few hours, and at the end of it all, John had to admit that he felt a lot less stressed.

* * *

The next day, Cameron returned to the video store. She noticed that Angela was working again and decided to deliver the box to her.

"Hey, girl. How's it goin'?"

"It's going fine," she replied with a calculated smile. "How are you?"

"I'm alright. How was the movie?"

"It was satisfactory. I learned much more than I expected."

"Yeah, it's a lot more intellectual than you'd think by lookin' at the packaging. Even if most of it's a bunch of bullshit."

Cameron blinked. "Why do you swear?"

"Huh?"

"Why do you swear? My mother caught me swearing and forced me to eat a bar of soap." She did not mention the pits.

Angela grimaced. "Well, that's what happens when you cuss around your parents. If my boss caught me sayin' half the stuff I do around here I'd probably get fired."

"So it is acceptable to swear around one's peers but not one's superiors?"

"Uh... yeah. I've been meanin' to ask you: how come you don't know all that stuff?"

"I was sheltered," she answered, reciting the explanation John had told her to give whenever her lack of cultural knowledge was questioned.

"And yet you're returning with an R rated movie that you watched with your family."

"I'm not sheltered anymore."

"Gotcha. Well, if you want, you can look around a little bit, maybe find something else you like."

Cameron considered that. She had not been told to retrieve another movie. However, she had not received any instructions not to either. She set down the box on the counter and drifted off toward the Sci-Fi section.

She scanned the boxes on the shelf, finding nothing that interested her. She scanned another shelf, only to meet with the same results. It wasn't until she reached the third shelf that something stood out to her.

There was a muscular man on the cover carrying an assault rifle, with a tropical jungle behind him. His facial patterns matched those of the T-800 series terminator. Her database told her that the actor was the former Governor of California. His last name was printed above the title.

_PREDATOR_

Her curiosity satisfied, she returned to the counter and held up the cover for Angela to see. "What is this about?"

Angela winced. "Not sure you wanna see that one. My brother kinda liked it, but it's a man's movie."

"How so?"

"Well, there's these three guys who go to South America or something and get hunted by some alien," she answered. "I don't know, I never really paid attention to it."

"Is it Sci-Fi?"

"Well, it's got aliens with really advanced technology, so yeah."

"Then I'm sure I'll like it."

"What about your family?"

"My family is very manly," she answered. She did not mention that Sarah was the manliest.

"Even your mother?"

"Especially my mother."

Angela raised an eyebrow, but accepted it. As well she should. It was true, after all. "Okay, so you wanna rent it?"

"Yes."

"Alright."

As she handed Angela the money, a smile snuck its way onto Cameron's face.

John was going to be very happy with her.

* * *

Author's Notes: And that does it, folks. This story is ended. This chapter might feel a little disjointed compared to the other two, but I'm happy with it. At the very least, it brings this story to a close. And no, there will not be a sequel.

This chapter is a little light on comedy, but I wanted to focus more on the heartwarming side of their family dynamic. I did manage to put in some dialogue that I'm really satisfied with, though. I also managed to avoid descending into angst like I usually do, so I consider that a victory. The middle scene kind of got away from me, but I'm satisfied with it.

You'll also notice that I didn't put a whole lot of direct references in this chapter. I didn't want this whole story to become one of those "reference" stories where every other line is a joke about something else. I wanted to show how their lives would be affected by the experience, and in this case it stirred a couple of interesting conversations. I'm still trying to fit this between episodes in canon, so I didn't change their dynamic much, but there is character development taking place.

Yes, I was deliberately teasing Jameron shippers with that epically long middle scene. No, I'm not sorry. I have nothing against the ship personally, and I can see the appeal, but I'm just not that inspired to write about it in the way that everyone else wants to. I left it open enough that your own imaginations can fill in the blanks, so have fun.

One thing I did put a lot of thought into was Cameron's reason for trying to get physical with John. What always bugs me about Jameron stories is that whenever they kiss, Cameron seems to be doing it for pleasure. She's a terminator. She doesn't feel physical pleasure. She has no desire to please herself. _Everything_ she does is centered around John and how it affects her mission to protect him. It makes sense to me that she would try and engage him that way in order to make _him_ feel better, without even considering herself. It's what she does. Personally, I find that aspect of it to be far more interesting to write about.

I decided on _Predator_ because I find it hilarious that Cameron keeps choosing movies that are massively inappropriate given the circumstances and thinks that she will gain praise for doing so. It's cute.

I have the first chapter of another story ready to go, and it will be posted shortly after this. Yes, I can't stop.

Thanks for reading, everybody!

EDIT: Smierc informed me that Mark Wyman was the Governor in the show's universe. I didn't know that. I've altered it so that it says "former" Governor instead.


End file.
